ok for refrance im actually doing good i mean my grads are sky rocketing and i'm getting along with alot of people and have a lot of people who like me and all in all life is good....

but

have you ever thought that if you needed sombody to hug or talk to or just in general be a real freind with you can't think of anybody and in addition to the fakeness of people your lovesick and i mean in all ways wanting real love and somebody to hold tight late at night somebody to share your soul with?

well thats about the only thing i'm missing...i mean realy i think that i aught to be happy about life but i'm not...it feels like watching everyone elses life but your own it's f***ed up but again i never really had sobody to connect to... exept family but no freind has ever felt close or girl love me.... it might not be my time i guess but everyone else has a boyfreind or girl freind and i'm sitting in the shadows feeling sorry for myself...its sicking and anoying at the same time...and ya know ...

the only place where compleat stragers had become freinds and they all feilt like true freinds was the deathnote rp...no saying onething and then doing the other and no back stabing (to me at least) and wile i was teassed i became freinds with moast the people there...god i miss them...but again how in the hell do i meet these people they all live across the united states and id need like a privet jet or a car with an ungodly amount of gass milege and a gps damn what about me makes me so rejectable ....

i guess it all depends on the beholder but love has been nonexistant to me...yet i have felt it...had i chased that dream i'd flown too close to the sun and my wingsa to melt amd i'd fall but when love turns and faces me...i'll never let it go...god save my longing heart

*clears throat* anyway yea that my update....